Jokes for Show #24
Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 2, 2009 |
It’s my last day in LA, which means that tomorrow I’ll be suggesting jokes for Jimmy from his own time zone. Mr. Fallon: Could I contribute to your monologue? If I could do this as my day job, I’d have more time to polish; are you seeing any potential here? Call me!
- CBS broadcaster Greg Gumbel is suing, saying he was tricked into taping introductions for infomercials. Gumbel is especially angry because he wanted to BUY the Sham-Wow, not appear in the ad.
- Police in North Carolina are investigating whether a funeral home fit a 6’5″ man into his coffin by cutting off his legs. The alleged victim had no comment. (Because he’s dead.) But jeez, burials these days are apparently costing MORE than an arm and a leg.
- A new study says that employees who spend time on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube are happier, and thus actually more productive during the work day. The study will be published in this month’s Journal of Gigantic Lies.
- Jupiter’s big red spot is shrinking. Scientists think it’s probably related to Atkins.
I thought I’d leave a comment, because it looks really pathetic for your site when you have absolutely zero. Good luck with this…ha.
Joke 2 is yet more proof that Lovecraft should be read in highschool.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_the_Vault:
George Birch, undertaker for the New England town of Peck Valley, finds himself trapped in the vault where coffins are stored during winter for burial in the spring. When Birch piles up coffins in order to climb out through the vault’s window, his feet break through the lid of the top coffin, injuring his ankles and forcing him to crawl out of and away from the vault.
Later, a Dr. Davis investigates the vault, and finds that the top coffin was one of inferior workmanship that Birch used as a repository for Asaph Sawyer, a vindictive townsperson whom Birch had disliked, even though the coffin had originally been built for the much shorter Matthew Fenner. Davis finds that Birch had cut off Sawyer’s feet to fit the body in the coffin–and that the wounds in Birch’s ankles are teeth marks.