Jokes for Show #25
Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 3, 2009 |
- Billionaire and News Corp CEO Rupert Murdoch says that more newspapers should be charging for their online editions. Reached for comment, everyone else on the Internet disagreed with him.
- The US Postal Service is cutting another 1500 jobs. The extra bad news for the employees getting laid off is that supposedly, their severance checks are all, uh, “in the mail.” That’s unfortunate.
- Domino’s accidentally gave away 11,000 free pizzas on their website. Even more unfortunately for Domino’s, they had to deliver them all to Nigeria. Do you know how hard that is to do in 30 minutes?!
- Iowa today became the first state in the Midwest to approve same-sex marriages. In a survey of gay couples in Iowa, BOTH of them are really excited about the new law.
I had to look at the second joke again to get it. I like those kinds of jokes. These are funny. I don’t think they’re all hilarious, but they definitely are Jimmy’s style.
Being from a weird and wonderful land called ‘England’, I have no idea who Jimmy is. Quite liked the jokes though.
I actaully liked the weeks in douchebaggery.
You’re the guy who stole my homeless girlfriend.
Good thing I think you’re funny.
Heck, these seem as good as any other monologue jokes.
The Postal service one was actually pretty funny, but to be honest, I hate fake news anchor comedy. Never seem to think they’re really funny.
Well, if this serious I wish you the best of luck (I was a fan of “The Week In Douchebaggery”). And hey, if Fallon doesn’t call there’s always Spike Feresten!
Wow, buddy these are solid! We have been looking for a new writer to really pick up the pace here on “The Jimmy Show” (thats what us producers call it, its a penis joke). If you can keep pumping out this solid gold I dont see how we can’t hire you, your going to revolutionize late night TV with stuff like this (I couldnt stop laughing at the HS joke). Im sending a link to LM as we speak. Do you think you could visit the GE next week for a informal interview type of thing? (dont worry its already in the bag). Either myself or LM will be contacting you in the near future. Your single handedly going to bring NBC comedy back to the glory days of early SNL.
No, I think Jimmy Fallon should hire me! well, at least, follow me on Twitter. Behold the following bite sized nuggets of newsy comedy:
Fast & Furious set for biggest April opening ever. 7-11 stores reporting spikes in Budweiser, pork rind, and trucker hat sales.
Demi Moore saves suicidal womans life via Twitter. Lifetime movie of the week in pre-production; “140 Reasons to Live”
Full body, clothes penetrating body scanners being used at some airports. Best shots to become centerfolds for In Flight magazine
Obama breaks protocol and touches Queen during visit. Queen immediately sanitized and placed back in her display case at Buckingham Palace.
Obama visits UK and gives the Queen an iPod. Delighted Queen fires the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra as she no longer has need for them.
Fun!