Jokes for Vacation Day #1

Jimmy’s off this week, but HireMeJimmyFallon.com is not. I’ve decided to write jokes for Jimmy each day this week, even though show isn’t taping new episodes. That’s dedication, my friends. Jimmy — a week off sounds like the perfect time for you to interview me, no?

• It’s Opening Day for Major League Baseball. So if you love $10 hotdogs and steroid-popping, muscle-bound foreigners, today’s your lucky day! The economy’s so bad, though, that baseball had to introduce a new rule: If you catch a fly ball, they need you throw it back.
• Researchers in Australia have found the actual, original Schindler’s List. It’s yellowed a bit hard to read, but the researchers have made out the phrases “milk” and “toilet paper.”
• Also in Australia, a pet dog that fell overboard in rough seas was reunited with its owners after surviving on its own for four months. I know what you’re thinking — how could that dog have survived? The answer is simple: Doggypaddling.
• Rapper Coolio has plead innocent on charges related to his drug bust at LAX last month. But his face says he’s guilty:

  

• A new study shows that more parents these days are getting their parenting advice on new babies from Facebook, instead of from books. In a related story, there’s been a major reported uptick in babies getting poked mercilessly.

Tags: Australia, babies, baseball, Coolio, dogs, drugs, Facebook, MLB, parenting, Schindler's List