Posted by Lex Friedman on Aug 31, 2009
It’s show number 101 for Jimmy tonight, which is even more impressive than 100. Because I said so.
Hire Me, Jimmy Fallon! will have a major announcement, potentially as early as tomorrow. No, I haven’t been hired by Jimmy Fallon yet, but the news is still interesting. You might also have heard of my other site, The Snuggie Sutra, which has taken the web by storm (and even scored a shout-out on The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien last Friday night).
But you don’t care about that. You’re here for the joke suggestions. Here they are!
- Researchers at MIT have created a school of robotic fish. And none of the fish in that school would ever be bored enough to make robotic humans.
- Chris Brown says he doesn’t remember hitting Rihanna, saying he must have blacked out. Like Rihanna’s eyes.
- Much of Los Angeles continues to be threatened by a massive fire. Or, as the Californians are calling it, a massive downsize.
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Tags: Chris Brown, fire, fish, MIT, Rihanna, robots
Posted by Lex Friedman on Aug 17, 2009
I failed to write ANY jokes for Jimmy last week — eek! As frequent readers know, I’ve been moving. But now we’re mostly settled into the new house, and my normal joke-posting schedule should finally resume.
Congrats to Jimmy and his team for reaching the 100-show milestone.
Here’s a batch of jokes to make up for last week’s absence:
- Madonna turned 51 last week. And as they say, 51 is the new creepy.
- Sprinter Usain Bolt shattered his own record last week, running 100 meters in 9.58 seconds. No one could explain how he ran so fast, until they all noticed the taco truck at the finish line. No man can resist the lure of the taco truck.
- The Philadelphia Eagles signed quarterback Michael Vick last week. Vick told reporters that he was just excited to be wearing a uniform without stripes on it.
- There are reports that Michael Jackson will be buried on his birthday. Which is pretty much the worst present ever.
- Former Congressman Tom DeLay will join the cast of Dancing With the Stars. If you thought he could dance his way around an ethics investigation, just wait until you see this.
- Jessica Simpson will NOT be taking over for Paula Abdul on American Idol. It’s the first time ever that Jessica has been too coherent for a job.
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Tags: American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, Jessica Simpson, Madonna, Michael Jackson, Michael Vick, NFL, Paula Abdul, Philadelphia Eagles, Tom DeLay, Usain Bolt
Posted by Lex Friedman on Aug 5, 2009
- The government’s Cash For Clunkers program continues to go well. Yeah, Congress just paid $250 for Nickleback’s latest album. So it’s really working.
- Rupert Murdoch said today that he thinks at some point soon, all of News Corp’s websites will charge visitors. I have a joke about how stupid that is, but it’s gonna cost you twenty bucks.
- Barbara Streisand will be auctioning off some of her personal items for charity. But big ticket items, like her designer dresses, are going to cost you an arm and a nose.
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Tags: auction, Barbara Streisand, Cash for Clunkers, charity, News Corp, Nickleback, Rupert Murdoch
Posted by Lex Friedman on Aug 4, 2009
- Former President Clinton today met in North Korea with Kim Jong Il, and secured the release of two imprisoned American journalists there. Then he gave them a ride home on a private chartered jet. It was pretty much the greatest pickup line ever.
- The Marines banned servicemen from using Twitter and Facebook. In a related story, we just successfully invaded Europe.
- Britney Spears has gone back to being a blonde. But really, of course, she never stopped.
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Tags: Bill Clinton, Britney Spears, Facebook, Kim Jong Il, Marines, North Korea, Twitter