Jokes for Shows #96 to 100

I failed to write ANY jokes for Jimmy last week — eek! As frequent readers know, I’ve been moving. But now we’re mostly settled into the new house, and my normal joke-posting schedule should finally resume.

Congrats to Jimmy and his team for reaching the 100-show milestone.

Here’s a batch of jokes to make up for last week’s absence:

• Madonna turned 51 last week. And as they say, 51 is the new creepy.
• Sprinter Usain Bolt shattered his own record last week, running 100 meters in 9.58 seconds. No one could explain how he ran so fast, until they all noticed the taco truck at the finish line. No man can resist the lure of the taco truck.
• The Philadelphia Eagles signed quarterback Michael Vick last week. Vick told reporters that he was just excited to be wearing a uniform without stripes on it.
• There are reports that Michael Jackson will be buried on his birthday. Which is pretty much the worst present ever.
• Former Congressman Tom DeLay will join the cast of Dancing With the Stars. If you thought he could dance his way around an ethics investigation, just wait until you see this.
• Jessica Simpson will NOT be taking over for Paula Abdul on American Idol. It’s the first time ever that Jessica has been too coherent for a job.

Tags: American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, Jessica Simpson, Madonna, Michael Jackson, Michael Vick, NFL, Paula Abdul, Philadelphia Eagles, Tom DeLay, Usain Bolt