Posted by Lex Friedman on Jul 14, 2009
- Convicted Ponzi scheme mastermind Bernie Madoff started his 150-year sentence today. He’ll be free when he’s just 221 years old. At which point he’ll probably do an interview with Joan Rivers.
- Sarah Palin has been hinting that she’d like to form her own political party, separate from Republicans. Here’s hoping it’s a Swingers Party! Am I right? I’m right.
- Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor had her second day of Senate confirmation hearings today. If she’s able to provide ten consecutive correct answers, she’ll win both showcases.
- A Southwest Airlines plane landed safely after a football-sized hole ripped open during flight. The plane’s been certified safe for the skies again, and now boasts one extra window seat.
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Tags: airplanes, Bernie Madoff, Ponzi scheme, Sarah Palin, Sonia Sotomayor, Southwest Airlines, Supreme Court
Posted by Lex Friedman on Jun 1, 2009
- Susan Boyle ended up losing Britain’s Got Talent, and ended up admitting herself to a clinic for exhaustion. I’m not sure why she’s so tired. Probably from running through my mind all day. Where she was being chased with pitchforks and torches.
- An Air France jet disappeared earlier today. The Smoke Monster is wanted for questioning.
- Earlier today, Dick Cheney came out in favor of gay marriage, and said explicitly that there was no link between 9/11 and Saddam Hussein. Also today: Hell froze over.
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Tags: Air France, airplanes, Dick Cheney, gay marriae, Hell, Lost, Saddam Hussein, Susan Boyle
Posted by Lex Friedman on May 19, 2009
- The passengers from that plane that landed on the Hudson River finally got their luggage back — which is actually faster than most passengers on US Airways.
- Patrick Swayze is perfectly alive, in spite of rumors spread on Twitter saying that he wasn’t. But the fact that Patrick is still alive is no surprise: Nobody puts Swayze in the coffin!
- Deal or No Deal was cancelled today by NBC. It’s bad news for Howie Mandel, but worse for pretty women whose only talent is holding briefcases.
- The satellites that power GPS receivers in the United States may fail as early as next year. Some are fearing that it’s a — wait for it! — lost cause.
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Tags: airplanes, Deal or No Deal, Dirty Dancing, GPS, Howie Mandel, NBC, Patrick Swayze, US Airways
Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 24, 2009
Another Friday show. Good times.
- A report released today says that birds crash into planes leaving LaGuardia airport about once a week. A spokesman for birds said, “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” as a plane crashed into him. That’s unfortunate. I hope they have another spokesman. Or spokesbird.
- My friend Jay Leno had to cancel his shows yesterday and today after being briefly hospitalized. One report now says that Jay got hurt attempting to ride his motorcycle. Yeah, he tried to tighten the chin strap. Ouch.
- No, I’m kidding, Jay’s doing fine, and all of us here at Late Night can’t wait till he’s back on the air. And I know David Letterman sent a gift basket, filled with undercooked meats and cyanide. He’s so thoughtful.
- The NFL draft starts this weekend. It’s the one time of year that pudgy white guys get more excited about college MEN in uniforms.
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Tags: airplanes, birds, chin, college, David Letterman, draft, Jay Leno, jokes, LaGuardia, NFL
Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 7, 2009
Jimmy’s still off. I spent 11+ hours on air travel today, but I’m still devoted to giving him jokes that he simply can’t use. That’s dedication. Or insanity. Or both.
- Jessica Simpson says she doesn’t mind that Eminem makes fun of her for gaining weight in one of his new songs. At least, we think that’s what she said. It was hard to understand her with the cheeseburger in her mouth.
- Vermont is the latest state to legalize gay marriage. Vermont, of course, has reportedly been dating New Hampshire on the sly for months.
Okay, I’m tired and jet lagged. Forgive me. Hilarity will re-ensue tomorrow.
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Tags: airplanes, cheeseburgers, Eminem, gay marriage, Jessica Simpson, jokes, New Hampshire, travel, Vermont
Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 27, 2009
- The FAA wants to keep information about birds that crash into airplanes a secret from the public. And from birds.
- Singer Rihanna has gotten several new tattoos of guns. In a related story, Chris Brown got a tattoo of his own fists.
- Dane Cook’s half-brother is in jail, accused of stealing millions of dollars from the comedian. So THAT’S where the money for his comedy lessons went!
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Tags: airplanes, birds, Chris Brown, Dane Cook, FAA, jokes, Rihanna, tattoos