Posted by Lex Friedman on Jul 22, 2009
I’ve been in California for work, which has made joke-writing time more scarce. Here are more jokes than usual, to make up for my absence:
- The “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” dog has died. But his memory will live on in Taco Bell. Specifically, in the tacos they serve.
- Jon Gosselin, of Jon and Kate Plus 8, has been photographed cavorting with various women since his very public separation from his wife, Kate. That’s right: A man who’s gonna have to pay child support for nearly a baseball team’s worth of kids is still more attractive to women than you.
- Amazon.com today bought Internet retailer Zappos.com for 800 million dollars. That’s enough to buy nearly seven Kindles.
- A mother has been arrested for neglect for allowing her teenage son to balloon to 555 pounds. In fact, we have a photo of the mother here:
- Actor Stephen Baldwin has filed for bankruptcy. Meanwhile, his brother Alec has filed for excessive handsomeness.
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Tags: Alec Baldwin, Amazon, dog, Jon and Kate Plus 8, obesity, Stephen Baldwin, Taco Bell, whales, Zappos
Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 27, 2009
Don’t forget that Hire Me, Jimmy Fallon! will be on Detroit’s 106.7 FM Tuesday morning at 10am! You can listen live. Unless we’re all dead from Swine Flu first.
- Anybody here have swine flu yet? Oh, who am I kidding, we all do.
- “Swine flu,” or as Alec Baldwin described it to his daughter… “Flu.”
- But seriously, this swine flu situation is scary. I mean, really, genuinely scary. First of all, I want to know who was making out with a pig. Because I think that’s how it jumps from pigs to humans, right?
- The World Health Organization today raised its “pandemic flu alert level” to 4, for the first time ever. New Yorkers are urged to report any suspicious sneezes they see on the subway.
- Oh, breaking news — this just in: Porky Pig is dead. I know, it’s tragic. He is survived by the delicious smell of bacon.
- Mexico, which has been hardest-hit by this swine flu outbreak, also suffered a serious earthquake today. Experts believe it was caused by one million Mexicans coughing up swine flu lugies in unison.
Update: I hadn’t realized that Jimmy was off this week. So, all week long, I’m writing Jokes and Jimmy’s not even on the air!
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Tags: Alec Baldwin, flu, jokes, Mexico, New York, swine flu, WHO