Amazon released a Kindle app for the iPhone, so you can carry half a million books in your pocket. Or, you’re just very, very, VERY happy to see me.
The Fed today announced that the outlook for the economy is “poor.” They also announced that they’re changing their name to the “Department of Obviousness.” (Do you think the Chairman of that new department should be called Captain Obvious?) But seriously, the economy is really hurting. There’s a homeless guy I pass on my way to the studio, and each day he asks for me a dollar, and I always give him one. But today, with the economy being what it is — he asked me for two.
An asteroid whizzed right by the Earth yesterday, and scientist’s said that it was a close one. Of course, it was nearly fifty thousand miles away — which apparently, scientists think is close. The same scientists are like “I am THIS close to scoring with Angelina Jolie.” Yes, you are both humans on the same continent, that doesn’t make it close. And I’m guessing these scientists are no Brad Pitt. I, of course, am THIS close.
Robin Williams had to cancel a few Florida stand-up gigs because of shortness of breath. Now, that’s definitely something I can see affecting Robin — (this is really just a setup for Jimmy to do a moment of his spot-on impression. So yes, I’m pitching a joke that’s all set-up, with Jimmy’s own impression as the punchline.)
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