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Jokes for Show #35

Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 24, 2009

Another Friday show. Good times.

A report released today says that birds crash into planes leaving LaGuardia airport about once a week. A spokesman for birds said, “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” as a plane crashed into him. That’s unfortunate. I hope they have another spokesman. Or spokesbird.
My friend Jay Leno had to cancel his shows yesterday and today after being briefly hospitalized. One report now says that Jay got hurt attempting to ride his motorcycle. Yeah, he tried to tighten the chin strap. Ouch.
No, I’m kidding, Jay’s doing fine, and all of us here at Late Night can’t wait till he’s back on the air. And I know David Letterman sent a gift basket, filled with undercooked meats and cyanide. He’s so thoughtful.
The NFL draft starts this weekend. It’s the one time of year that pudgy white guys get more excited about college MEN in uniforms.

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Jokes for Show #20

Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 27, 2009

The FAA wants to keep information about birds that crash into airplanes a secret from the public. And from birds.
Singer Rihanna has gotten several new tattoos of guns. In a related story, Chris Brown got a tattoo of his own fists.
Dane Cook’s half-brother is in jail, accused of stealing millions of dollars from the comedian. So THAT’S where the money for his comedy lessons went!

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Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 26, 2009

I am really happy with today’s batch of jokes. If you’re Jimmy Fallon, and you’re happy with these jokes too, feel free to hire me. (See the URL.)

A new study has found that male circumcision helps prevent 2 STDs. And that’s just the tip of the — you know.
A new website will feature more than ninety years of notes from various birdwatchers. The URL is TheMostBoringSiteOnTheEntireInternet.com.
A US billionaire made history this week by becoming the first person ever to make TWO trips as a tourist into space. But you can tell we’re in a recession, because his seat on the space shuttle was in Business class. Yeah he couldn’t spring for First. And I hear the in-flight meals on the spaceship aren’t that great — the ice cream tastes like cardboard.
President Obama conducted an online town hall meeting today, answering questions submitted by people on the Internet. Some of his most newsworthy answers were, “No, I don’t need Viagra,” “No, I’m not interested in claiming my Nigerian inheritance,” and “Yes, I will be your friend on Facebook.”