Jokes for Show #37

• Scientists are planning to test Abraham Lincoln’s DNA to see if we had any illnesses at the time of his assassination. All they’re waiting for is for President Lincoln to fire up his time machine. And when he does, I’m going to borrow that time machine, and go back in time, and write a better joke.
• The first American face transplant recipient showed her face in public today for the first time. Well, okay, technically… she showed someone else’s face.
• Two pedestrians were injured when a car filming a stunt for a new Nicolas Cage movie spun out of control. It’s reportedly the biggest hit Nicolas Cage has had in years!
• There were rumors on the Internet today that Apple wants to buy Twitter. Apple managed to fit their response into a single post on Twitter: “That’s extremely stupid.”

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Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Apple, car accident, Nicolas Cage, time machine, time travel, Twitter