Jokes for Show #30

Holy moly. 30 actual shows, and 30 days of jokes from me. Actually, this is my 35th day of writing jokes for Jimmy, since I wrote for five vacation days as well.

Jimmy — see the URL. The aim here is for you to, y’know, hire me.

With only the slightest further ado, here are joke suggestions for tonight’s show:

• Ashton Kutcher beat CNN to be the first Twitter account with one million followers. But still… neither of them has as many friends as Tom! Remember Tom? From MySpace? Yeah, me neither.
• A 47-year-old Ohio teacher has resigned after admitting that she took several teenage female students to a male strip club. Which, you gotta admit, took some balls.
• Bill Murray was participating in a celebrity golf tournament, and hooked a shot so badly that he beaned a woman standing in her own front yard, right in the head. It’s the biggest hit Bill Murray’s had in years. (No, I’m kidding, I love Bill Murray!)
• Authorities yesterday arrested a woman dressed in camouflage walking around Britney Spears’ house in LA. Yeah, then they realized it was Britney Spears.

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Tags: Ashton Kutcher, Bill Murray, Britney Spears, camouflage, CNN, male strippers, MySpace, Ohio, students, teachers, Tom, Twitter

Thoughts on Show #5

Jimmy again seemed pretty relaxed at the start of his monologue. And, to my great pleasure, he scored a few nice laugh lines. Well done, sir!

I loved the line about Sanjay Gupta withdrawing consideration as a potential Surgeon General, since he wants to stay at CNN — because he just gets paid too much to keep Larry King alive. He made a few Michael Jackson jokes, and made his second Obama dis, again about the tax plan. (Daylight savings time will add two hours, instead of one.)

My favorite monologue joke was his closer, about Esquire’s list of the best dressed men. Obama came in at number 4. Number one? Hillary Clinton.

A great show to end his first week, and I wish Jimmy a hearty congratulations. I also wish Jimmy would hire me already. I’ve been applying longer than applicants spend at Google!

I’ll be back Monday with suggestions for that day’s show.

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Tags: Barack Obama, CNN, Google, Hillary Clinton, Jimm Fallon, jokes, Larry King, Michael Jackson, Sanjay Gupta