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Jokes for Show #35

Lex Friedman — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 15:01:50 +0000

Another Friday show. Good times.

A report released today says that birds crash into planes leaving LaGuardia airport about once a week. A spokesman for birds said, “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” as a plane crashed into him. That’s unfortunate. I hope they have another spokesman. Or spokesbird.
My friend Jay Leno had to cancel his shows yesterday and today after being briefly hospitalized. One report now says that Jay got hurt attempting to ride his motorcycle. Yeah, he tried to tighten the chin strap. Ouch.
No, I’m kidding, Jay’s doing fine, and all of us here at Late Night can’t wait till he’s back on the air. And I know David Letterman sent a gift basket, filled with undercooked meats and cyanide. He’s so thoughtful.
The NFL draft starts this weekend. It’s the one time of year that pudgy white guys get more excited about college MEN in uniforms.

Lex Friedman — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 22:41:15 +0000

UC San Diego accidentally sent out emails welcoming 29,000 high school seniors — whose applications the university had, in fact, rejected. As an act of good will, the Dean of Admissions told affected high schoolers that now they COULD attend the school. He added, “NOT!”
CBS has cancelled long-running soap opera “Guiding Light” after 72 years and 16,000 episodes. I KNEW they’d never last!
President Obama gave the Queen of England an iPod during his visit with her today. I wonder what songs are on it, though. I’m guessing, “Dancing Queen.” That’d be fitting.
ER will air its final episode on NBC tomorrow. Which is ironic, since now the entire network needs life support.
And, of course, it’s April Fool’s Day, a day when we laugh at the easily fooled, gullible people around us. Or, as former President Bush calls it, Wednesday.