Hire Me, Jimmy Fallon! » congress http://hiremejimmyfallon.com Lex Friedman's quest to get a job writing for Late Night. Sat, 19 Dec 2009 13:40:34 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Jokes for Shows #108 and 109 http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/2009/09/jokes-for-shows-108-and-109/ http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/2009/09/jokes-for-shows-108-and-109/#comments Sat, 12 Sep 2009 01:10:42 +0000 Lex Friedman http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/?p=343 Don’t forget to check out JimmyFallon.com for all sorts of extra Jimmy goodness and jokes!

Ellen Degeneres will be joining the cast of American Idol, taking over for Paula Abdul. To prepare for her new role, Ellen is reportedly studying music, and forgetting how to speak coherent English.

President Obama says he accepts the apology from Joe Wilson for having yelled out “You lie!” during the Congressional address earlier this week. But reportedly, he had his fingers crossed when he accepted it.

Ten Andy Warhol paintings were stolen from a California home earlier this week. Police have released this sketch:

Screen shot 2009-09-11 at 9.08.59 PM

]]> http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/2009/09/jokes-for-shows-108-and-109/feed/ 0 Jokes for Show #88 http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/2009/07/jokes-for-show-88/ http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/2009/07/jokes-for-show-88/#comments Thu, 30 Jul 2009 01:50:08 +0000 Lex Friedman http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/?p=318
  • A new report out this week concluded that tanning beds are extremely harmful. This came as truly shocking news to morons everywhere.
  • Jennifer Love Hewitt is begging for a role in the movie Twilight. Meanwhile, comedian Dane Cook is begging for a role in Jennifer Love Hewitt. Well, can you blame him?
  • Congressional Democrats have reportedly reached an agreement on upcoming health care legislation. Now they just need to wait for approval from their primary care physician. So we should have that law in, oh, three months.
    • ]]>     http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/2009/07/jokes-for-show-88/feed/ 0     Jokes for Show #79 http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/2009/07/jokes-for-show-78/ http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/2009/07/jokes-for-show-78/#comments Thu, 16 Jul 2009 21:19:40 +0000 Lex Friedman http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/?p=301
  • Mischa Barton has reportedly been placed under involuntary psychiatric hold. By an evil hypnotist. (beat) Oh, what’s that? That would be an involuntary psychic hold, my mistake.
  • Donald Trump’s daughter Ivanka announced on Twitter that she’s gotten engaged. In future news, Ivanka Trump has posted on Twitter that she’s getting divorced. Technology is amazing.
  • Paul McCartney says that reports of feuding between him and the late Michael Jackson were always very exaggerated, and that the two never really had a blow-up. That’s not surprising, since McCartney died in 1966.
  • In a surprise development, the American Medical Association has endorsed the House bill for President Obama’s national health care policy. Sadly, though, they immediately declared that nationalized health care causes cancer in lab rats.
    • ]]>     http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/2009/07/jokes-for-show-78/feed/ 0     Jokes for Show #63 http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/2009/06/jokes-for-show-63/ http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/2009/06/jokes-for-show-63/#comments Wed, 10 Jun 2009 19:03:36 +0000 Lex Friedman http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/?p=248
  • Breaking news: Adam Lambert is still gay. I did not see that one coming. Almost as shocking as when he first came out, right?
  • A bill in Congress would make it illegal for television commercials to be louder than TV shows themselves. So after talking to executives here at NBC, WE’RE MAKING SOME CHANGES TO LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON!
  • Former Playboy playmate and Hugh Hefner’s ex Kendra Wilkinson is expecting a baby with her fiancee, Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Hank Baskett. The baby will join Kendra’s great pair of twins.
    • ]]>     http://hiremejimmyfallon.com/2009/06/jokes-for-show-63/feed/ 1