Jokes for Vacation Day #4

Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 9, 2009

Jimmy’s still off, and I’m subsisting on matzah. Here come the joke suggestions for tonight’s non-existent show:

The Post Office is getting ready to launch a new stamp featuring The Simpsons. The “OJ” one comes with a free letter opener. A very, very sharp letter opener.
An eight-year study has concluded that married couples are happier before they have children, and that marital bliss and satisfaction drop after having even just one kid. The study was conducted by… Your Parents. Ouch.
French workers on strike blocked tourists from getting to the Eiffel Tower. Usually, when tourists in France are blocked, it’s from too much French cheese.

Jokes for Vacation Day #3

Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 8, 2009

I’m almost adjusted to Mountain Time. Let’s rock this:

The Obama administration is reportedly investigating “geoengineering,” the idea of fighting global warming by blowing cold air into the atmosphere. If they go ahead with the plan, it will mark the first time in more than 50 years that the White House has blown anything but hot air.
Miley Cyrus wrote on her personal blog that she’s “a lot smarter than you think.” So apparently, she’s only very, very, very stupid. Nah, I’m just kidding — I LOVE Miley Cyrus. I mean, I will, in two years, when she’s legal.
Visits to Las Vegas were down 8% in February. Damn! I had my money on 12%.
The Jewish holiday of Passover starts tonight. It’s when the Jews eat unleavened bread, called matzah, and sit together for a long time because they’re what’s called “constipated.”