Jokes for Jimmy Re: David Letterman

Lex Friedman — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 23:43:21 +0000

You know, before I got this job, or SNL, I always used to think to myself: Man, who do I gotta screw to get a job writing for David Letterman? Now I know!
Of course, like any good late night host, Dave’s made plenty of jokes about folks who’ve had run-ins with infidelity, like Governor Sanford or President Clinton. But the key difference is, those guys are politicians, and Dave — well, Dave bagged way hotter chicks.
Some are wondering whether a Letterman sex tape might hit the Internet. Well let me just say this: There is a tape, and before Paul Schaffer saw it, he had hair.

Jokes for Show #35

Lex Friedman — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 15:01:50 +0000

Another Friday show. Good times.

A report released today says that birds crash into planes leaving LaGuardia airport about once a week. A spokesman for birds said, “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” as a plane crashed into him. That’s unfortunate. I hope they have another spokesman. Or spokesbird.
My friend Jay Leno had to cancel his shows yesterday and today after being briefly hospitalized. One report now says that Jay got hurt attempting to ride his motorcycle. Yeah, he tried to tighten the chin strap. Ouch.
No, I’m kidding, Jay’s doing fine, and all of us here at Late Night can’t wait till he’s back on the air. And I know David Letterman sent a gift basket, filled with undercooked meats and cyanide. He’s so thoughtful.
The NFL draft starts this weekend. It’s the one time of year that pudgy white guys get more excited about college MEN in uniforms.