Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 13, 2009
Jimmy’s had a solid week of monologues. Here are my suggestions for tonight’s:
- This past week was the best week of 2009 for Wall Street. Yeah, they only lost eighty bajillion dollars. So congratulations, everyone!
- One day after admitting guilt in a massive Ponzie scheme, Bernie Madoff has filed an appeal asking to get out of jail. He realizes that, even though he was essentially playing with Monopoly money, he can’t use a “Get of Jail Free” card, right? If they do let him out, will they have to let him collect $200?
- Ten children at a day care center drank wiper fluid after a staffer served it from a container he thought contained Kool Aid. The kids were all fine, but then the bus driver crashed because his windshield was covered in Triple Awesome Grape.
- Michael Jackson’s 50 farewell concerts in London have sold out. Which reminds me a lot of Macaulay Culkin’s 11th birthday party. Because at both events, Michael Jackson used his mouth to make a lot of people happy.
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Tags: Bernie Madoff, day care, economy, kids, Kool Aid, Macaulay Culkin, Michael Jackson, Monopoly, Wall Street
Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 11, 2009
- The producers of “Sesame Street” are cutting 20 percent of its work force because of the recession. The severance package for fired employees includes two weeks’ pay, and a free toy: Bend Over And Take It Elmo.
- Forbes reported today that the world’s billionaires are feeling the impact of the recession just like the rest of us. Apparently, they’re now buying generic yachts.
- Two teachers in Pennsylvania have been accused of having sex with the same thirteen-year-old boy. BY the boy.
- Apple today released a new iPod shuffle, and the button-less device actually talks to you. Which is good, because if you buy such a pretentious iPod, no one else will.
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Tags: Apple, billionaires, economy, Forbes, iPod, recession, Sesame Street, sex, teachers, yachts
Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 6, 2009
As always (it’s easy to be consistent when you’re still in the first week of shows!) here are some joke suggestions for tonight’s monologue on Jimmy’s show:
- It was announced today that the unemployment rate is now topping 8.1%, the worst level since 1983. I’d have a joke about that, but we just fired all our writers.
- The New York Times ran a story today saying that President Obama has been using a teleprompter more than any past president. I mean, I’m sure he’s using it more than, say, Abraham Lincoln. That teleprompter was made of logs. I think Washington’s used smoke signals. But I mean, this seems a little bit like a non-issue, you know? The last administration did the same thing in their own way, just instead of teleprompter, Dick Cheney just used President Bush as a puppet.
- Because of a crackdown on illegal immigrants in Britain, circuses in the United Kingdom are now suffering from — this is true — a clown shortage. Man, whoever enacted that plan must have been a real Bozo. Sorry. I know, that was terrible. But if they really do want to find the guy responsible for this clown issue, they’re going to need to use circus-stantial evidence. I should stop now.
- Some parents are concerned about Nickelodeon’s plans to make a tween version of their popular animated “Dora the Explorer” character, with longer, flowing hair, a skirt, and long legs. The new toy’s going to be named “Dora the Sex-Whore-uh.”
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Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Barack Obama, circus, clowns, Dick Cheney, Dora the Explorer, economy, George W. Bush, New York Times, Nickelodeon, tweens, unemployment
Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 4, 2009
Amazon released a Kindle app for the iPhone, so you can carry half a million books in your pocket. Or, you’re just very, very, VERY happy to see me.
The Fed today announced that the outlook for the economy is “poor.” They also announced that they’re changing their name to the “Department of Obviousness.” (Do you think the Chairman of that new department should be called Captain Obvious?) But seriously, the economy is really hurting. There’s a homeless guy I pass on my way to the studio, and each day he asks for me a dollar, and I always give him one. But today, with the economy being what it is — he asked me for two.
An asteroid whizzed right by the Earth yesterday, and scientist’s said that it was a close one. Of course, it was nearly fifty thousand miles away — which apparently, scientists think is close. The same scientists are like “I am THIS close to scoring with Angelina Jolie.” Yes, you are both humans on the same continent, that doesn’t make it close. And I’m guessing these scientists are no Brad Pitt. I, of course, am THIS close.
Robin Williams had to cancel a few Florida stand-up gigs because of shortness of breath. Now, that’s definitely something I can see affecting Robin — (this is really just a setup for Jimmy to do a moment of his spot-on impression. So yes, I’m pitching a joke that’s all set-up, with Jimmy’s own impression as the punchline.)
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Tags: Amazon, Angelina Jolie, asteroid, economy, iPhone, Jimmy Fallon, jokes, Kindle, Robin Williams
Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 4, 2009
Jimmy’s obviously still a bit nervous, but the improvement from the first show to the second was exactly what I expected, and I imagine that evolution will continue.
The monologue tonight was stronger than Jimmy’s debut. He seemed to make a few more off-the-cuff follow-up remarks to his own jokes, which I loved.
I thought the “Facebook status” audience bit was a big improvement over the first night’s “licking” one. But the monologue’s my real obsession, and I was impressed by this one. Jimmy touched on the economy and the weather in one smart joke (“The Dow reached 30 below”) that the audience didn’t love, but I did.
There’s a definite issue where as a light-night comedy show you don’t want to discuss “bad news” that could bring people down, so I was happy that Jimmy’s willing to address obvious downers like the economy with humor.
Joke suggestions for tonight coming later today.
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Tags: economy, Facebook, Jimmy Fallon, jokes