• It’s Opening Day for Major League Baseball. So if you love $10 hotdogs and steroid-popping, muscle-bound foreigners, today’s your lucky day! The economy’s so bad, though, that baseball had to introduce a new rule: If you catch a fly ball, they need you throw it back.
• Researchers in Australia have found the actual, original Schindler’s List. It’s yellowed a bit hard to read, but the researchers have made out the phrases “milk” and “toilet paper.”
• Also in Australia, a pet dog that fell overboard in rough seas was reunited with its owners after surviving on its own for four months. I know what you’re thinking — how could that dog have survived? The answer is simple: Doggypaddling.
• Rapper Coolio has plead innocent on charges related to his drug bust at LAX last month. But his face says he’s guilty:

  

• A new study shows that more parents these days are getting their parenting advice on new babies from Facebook, instead of from books. In a related story, there’s been a major reported uptick in babies getting poked mercilessly.

Monday, of course, I’ll post joke suggestions for Show #26. But in the meantime, I wanted to make sure you all knew that you can follow @hiremejimmy on Twitter and/or become a fan on Facebook.

• CBS broadcaster Greg Gumbel is suing, saying he was tricked into taping introductions for infomercials. Gumbel is especially angry because he wanted to BUY the Sham-Wow, not appear in the ad.
• Police in North Carolina are investigating whether a funeral home fit a 6’5″ man into his coffin by cutting off his legs. The alleged victim had no comment. (Because he’s dead.) But jeez, burials these days are apparently costing MORE than an arm and a leg.
• A new study says that employees who spend time on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube are happier, and thus actually more productive during the work day. The study will be published in this month’s Journal of Gigantic Lies.
• Jupiter’s big red spot is shrinking. Scientists think it’s probably related to Atkins.

• A new study has found that male circumcision helps prevent 2 STDs. And that’s just the tip of the — you know.
• A new website will feature more than ninety years of notes from various birdwatchers. The URL is TheMostBoringSiteOnTheEntireInternet.com.
• A US billionaire made history this week by becoming the first person ever to make TWO trips as a tourist into space. But you can tell we’re in a recession, because his seat on the space shuttle was in Business class. Yeah he couldn’t spring for First. And I hear the in-flight meals on the spaceship aren’t that great — the ice cream tastes like cardboard.
• President Obama conducted an online town hall meeting today, answering questions submitted by people on the Internet. Some of his most newsworthy answers were, “No, I don’t need Viagra,” “No, I’m not interested in claiming my Nigerian inheritance,” and “Yes, I will be your friend on Facebook.”

This was honestly my least favorite of the first three monologues Jimmy’s done. The opening Madonna joke did nothing for me. The Chris Brown / asteroid joke was funny (“The asteroid could have done as much damage as two atomic bombs. Or one night with Chris Brown!”), but I’m thinking Jimmy needs to give himself a roll of punchlines to run through on great setups like that. (“Heck, it could have done as much damage as Rosie O’Donnell at a buffet. Or OJ Simpson at a place where people are living.”)

As promised, Jimmy continues to make lots of references to modern living and technology, with his second Facebook reference in two shows (Iraqis can get on Facebook now — if your face is covered with a veil), and his second dig at Microsoft, too. But there weren’t enough solid laugh lines — more the “applause” lines. Jimmy showed on Weekend Update that he can generate actual laughs at his topical jokes, and doesn’t need to settle for the Jay Leno-esque “that was a joke” recognition applause.

The “Bromance Novels” bit was cute, and the audience seemed to really enjoy it.

I’ll post some joke suggestions for tonight’s show a bit later on.

The monologue tonight was stronger than Jimmy’s debut. He seemed to make a few more off-the-cuff follow-up remarks to his own jokes, which I loved.

I thought the “Facebook status” audience bit was a big improvement over the first night’s “licking” one. But the monologue’s my real obsession, and I was impressed by this one. Jimmy touched on the economy and the weather in one smart joke (“The Dow reached 30 below”) that the audience didn’t love, but I did.

There’s a definite issue where as a light-night comedy show you don’t want to discuss “bad news” that could bring people down, so I was happy that Jimmy’s willing to address obvious downers like the economy with humor.

Joke suggestions for tonight coming later today.