Posted by Lex Friedman on Jun 2, 2009
- Ukraine today reported its first case of Swine Flu. They also just heard the news about Lorena Bobbit.
- Newsweek is reporting that Americans are getting fatter during the recession. Well, duh. Can you say, Dollar Menu?
- GM is reportedly close to selling its Hummer brand to a Chinese company. The Chinese company says that once they take over, if you crash your Hummer, a fortune will pop out. (Yeah, and the fortune’s gonna say: “You will need to buy a lot more gas very soon.”)
No Comments
Tags: Chinese, fortune cookies, GM, Hummer, Lorena Bobbit, McDonald's, Newsweek, recession, swine flu, Ukraine
Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 28, 2009
The radio appearance didn’t happen. Sorry to those who tuned in and were subjected to more country music than they care to hear. (That is, “any.”) I was rescheduled; I’ll let you know when I hear the new date is.
Jimmy’s off this week, but it’s still my job to write jokes in hopes of getting a job to write jokes. If that makes sense.
- After some major changes at GM, you can no longer buy a Pontiac. Of course, with this recession, you couldn’t buy one last week, either.
- In health news, Kermit the Frog has been hospitalized with flu-like symptoms. Think about it… Think about it… There ya go.
- But man, this swine flu is still pretty scary, huh? The good news, of course, is for doctors. Physicians treating swine flu patients can really expect to bring home the bacon.
- Senator Arlen Specter today announced that he’s switching parties, and will now be a Democrat. He also now wants to be called “Arlene.” Some big changes in that man’s life. I mean, that person’s life.
1 Comment
Tags: Arlen Specter, bacon, cars, GM, Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Pontiac, swine flu
Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 31, 2009
The show is old enough to drink now! If you count days as years. And consider the show a human being subject to the laws of the United States.
Which I think we can all agree, we should do.
Anyway, I’m in LA this week, so the jokes will be posted a little later each day, and with a little less time for me to spend on them.
With that ringing endorsement, some joke ideas for tonight’s show:
- More than 100,000 former Christians in Britain have embraced their atheism by undergoing “de-Baptisms.” Let me just tell you, those ex-Christians have it a lot easier than the Jews.
- (Do I have to explain that one? I don’t want to force (skin) the issue.)
- The White House forced the CEO of GM to step down as part of its latest bailout. The ousted CEO will reportedly receive a $20 million severance package. THAT’LL teach him!
- A woman fired shots into the window of a Salt Lake City McDonald’s drive through after being told that they weren’t serving lunch yet. Apparently, the woman was just trying to order two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed GUN.
1 Comment
Tags: atheists, Britain, Christians, economy, GM, Jews, McDonald's, White House