Posted by Lex Friedman on Dec 19, 2009
It’s a snowy Saturday on the East Coast. And I haven’t written Jimmy jokes in more than a month. After I passed the 100-show mark and still hadn’t heard anything from Jimmy or his people, I got a bit discouraged.
But by impressively and inspirationally popular request, here are a few Tiger jokes for Jimmy:
- Tiger Woods’s wife Elin may be filing for divorce. I think the real question is, though, will Tiger ever find love again?
- The list of potential mistresses Tiger may have cheated with has now reached 14. Which is 12 over par.
- Tiger has lost numerous endorsement contracts in light of this story, of course. And we could make a joke here that he’s signed a new endorsement deal with Trojan, or Viagra. But we’re not going to stoop that low here at LNwJF. Because the truth is, Tiger is now the official spokesman for Married Idiots Everywhere.
- Tiger, it should be pointed out, cheated on his wife with many more women than Lance Armstrong ever cheated on his first wife with. Of course, like Tiger on the golf course, Lance has been playing with a pretty serious handicap.
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Tags: Lance Armstrong, snow, Tiger Woods
Posted by Lex Friedman on Jul 27, 2009
I’ve been lax, but that’s mostly because I was traveling through LAX. Now that I’m ex-LAX, expect a daily posting schedule here for Fallon jokes to resume.
Now Jimmy, let’s not forget that as you near the 100 show mark, I’ve penned you several hundred monologue jokes. At any point, you may feel free to a) call, and then b) hire me. Email works too, of course.
- The NFL has given Michael Vick permission to play football professionally again. Which is great news, since so many in the media thought that his career had gone to the dogs. Literally.
- Jon Gosselin, of Jon and Kate Plus 8, continues to deny reports linking him with various women. Those same women, meanwhile, continue to deny reports that they have good taste in men.
- Lance Armstrong finished third in the Tour de France over the weekend, in a race that he hopes will finally show doubters that he isn’t a doper. Because remember kids, cheaters finish FIRST.
- One of the Jonas Brothers has broken up with his actress-girlfriend. But if you have any idea who I’m talking about, you’re up way past your bedtime right now.
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Tags: Jon and Kate Plus 8, Jonas Brothers, Lance Armstrong, Michael Vick, NFL, Tour de France
Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 23, 2009
Wow. 16 shows. Feels like just three weeks ago we were on Show #1. Here are some joke suggestions for tonight’s show, in my ongoing quest to show Jimmy and his team that they ought to hire me for their writing staff.
- Both Lance Armstrong and Today host Matt Lauer were injured in bicycling accidents today. Lauer’s bike crash was actually more serious… Now, between him and Lance, they have exactly two testicles.
- Actually, Lance broke his collarbone, and it’s unclear whether he’ll be able to compete in the Tour de France this summer. It’s thus also unclear whether anyone in America will bother watching the Tour de France.
- Bruce Willis married his model/actress girlfriend over the weekend. Yeah, she’s 24 years younger than he is. I’d make a joke about that, but, uh, I don’t want Bruce to come kick my ass. Ashton Kutcher was there, along with Demi Moore. Which was good, because then Ashton and Bruce’s new wife could sit together at the kids’ table.
- Insurance giant AIG had workmen out on the front of their building here in New York City over the weekend, tearing down the name AIG and putting up a new sign with the company’s new name. It’s called: CLOSED.
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Tags: AIG, Ashton Kutcher, Bruce Willis, cycling, Demi Moore, economy, Lance Armstrong, Matt Lauer, Tour de France