Posted by Lex Friedman on Aug 17, 2009
I failed to write ANY jokes for Jimmy last week — eek! As frequent readers know, I’ve been moving. But now we’re mostly settled into the new house, and my normal joke-posting schedule should finally resume.
Congrats to Jimmy and his team for reaching the 100-show milestone.
Here’s a batch of jokes to make up for last week’s absence:
- Madonna turned 51 last week. And as they say, 51 is the new creepy.
- Sprinter Usain Bolt shattered his own record last week, running 100 meters in 9.58 seconds. No one could explain how he ran so fast, until they all noticed the taco truck at the finish line. No man can resist the lure of the taco truck.
- The Philadelphia Eagles signed quarterback Michael Vick last week. Vick told reporters that he was just excited to be wearing a uniform without stripes on it.
- There are reports that Michael Jackson will be buried on his birthday. Which is pretty much the worst present ever.
- Former Congressman Tom DeLay will join the cast of Dancing With the Stars. If you thought he could dance his way around an ethics investigation, just wait until you see this.
- Jessica Simpson will NOT be taking over for Paula Abdul on American Idol. It’s the first time ever that Jessica has been too coherent for a job.
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Tags: American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, Jessica Simpson, Madonna, Michael Jackson, Michael Vick, NFL, Paula Abdul, Philadelphia Eagles, Tom DeLay, Usain Bolt
Posted by Lex Friedman on Jul 17, 2009
First, because I can’t help myself, a joke Jimmy can’t make:
“A second person died today from injuries related to the collapse of that stage in preparation for a Madonna concert. Madonna told reporters that everyone involved with the show is truly crushed.”
Sorry.
And now, a joke Jimmy theoretically could use:
Tiger Woods, for only the second time in his career, missed the cut in a major golf event, at today’s British Open. Tiger was confused, because he was especially proud of having achieved his all-time high score.
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Tags: Madonna, Tiger Woods
Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 20, 2009
It’s another Monday, and time to write a few more jokes for Jimmy. I should also note that HireMeJimmyFallon.com scored a shout-out from BuzzFeed. Jimmy, if BuzzFeed loves me, shouldn’t you?
- Over the weekend, Madonna fell off a horse. Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan fell off the wagon. No, I’m only kidding. Lindsay Lohan didn’t fall off the wagon — she was never on it!
- Veterinarians were reportedly alarmed when they examined the horse that Madonna fell from. Yeah, it was the first time in history that a horse’s ass fell off a horse. That’s serious.
- The woman arrested for trespassing outside Britney Spears’ Los Angeles home now says that she was just working on a new documentary film, and isn’t a stalker at all. The documentary is apparently called, “Yes I’m A Crazy Stalker.”
- British press reported that the father of the nine-year-old girl who starred in Slumdog Millionaire tried to sell her to an undercover reporter for $300,000. Yeah, now starring in Scumbag Millionaire.
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Tags: Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Los Angeles, Madonna, Slumdog Millionaire, veterinarians
Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 5, 2009
Last night’s show was solid. I thought Jimmy actually seemed more nervous during (and immediately prior to) his monologue; he showed some nervous laughter before he even got underway.
This was honestly my least favorite of the first three monologues Jimmy’s done. The opening Madonna joke did nothing for me. The Chris Brown / asteroid joke was funny (“The asteroid could have done as much damage as two atomic bombs. Or one night with Chris Brown!”), but I’m thinking Jimmy needs to give himself a roll of punchlines to run through on great setups like that. (“Heck, it could have done as much damage as Rosie O’Donnell at a buffet. Or OJ Simpson at a place where people are living.”)
As promised, Jimmy continues to make lots of references to modern living and technology, with his second Facebook reference in two shows (Iraqis can get on Facebook now — if your face is covered with a veil), and his second dig at Microsoft, too. But there weren’t enough solid laugh lines — more the “applause” lines. Jimmy showed on Weekend Update that he can generate actual laughs at his topical jokes, and doesn’t need to settle for the Jay Leno-esque “that was a joke” recognition applause.
The “Bromance Novels” bit was cute, and the audience seemed to really enjoy it.
I’ll post some joke suggestions for tonight’s show a bit later on.
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Tags: Bromance Novels, Chris Brown, Facebook, Iraq, Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, jokes, Madonna, Microsoft, OJ Simpson, Rosie O'Donnell, Weekend Update