Posted by Lex Friedman on Sep 3, 2009
- Michael Jackson has finally been buried. Is it just me, or did his funeral last almost as long as the video for Thriller?
- Doctors are studying a teenage boy who bleeds tears. I’m no doctor, but it sounds like he’s suffering from a bad case of the crybabies.
- A star high school quarterback tackled a girl when she brandished a gun on a bus. The girl was immediately signed by the Philadelphia Eagles.
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Tags: blood, doctors, Michael Jackson, Michael Vick, Philadelphia Eagles, quarterback, tears
Posted by Lex Friedman on Aug 17, 2009
I failed to write ANY jokes for Jimmy last week — eek! As frequent readers know, I’ve been moving. But now we’re mostly settled into the new house, and my normal joke-posting schedule should finally resume.
Congrats to Jimmy and his team for reaching the 100-show milestone.
Here’s a batch of jokes to make up for last week’s absence:
- Madonna turned 51 last week. And as they say, 51 is the new creepy.
- Sprinter Usain Bolt shattered his own record last week, running 100 meters in 9.58 seconds. No one could explain how he ran so fast, until they all noticed the taco truck at the finish line. No man can resist the lure of the taco truck.
- The Philadelphia Eagles signed quarterback Michael Vick last week. Vick told reporters that he was just excited to be wearing a uniform without stripes on it.
- There are reports that Michael Jackson will be buried on his birthday. Which is pretty much the worst present ever.
- Former Congressman Tom DeLay will join the cast of Dancing With the Stars. If you thought he could dance his way around an ethics investigation, just wait until you see this.
- Jessica Simpson will NOT be taking over for Paula Abdul on American Idol. It’s the first time ever that Jessica has been too coherent for a job.
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Tags: American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, Jessica Simpson, Madonna, Michael Jackson, Michael Vick, NFL, Paula Abdul, Philadelphia Eagles, Tom DeLay, Usain Bolt
Posted by Lex Friedman on Jul 27, 2009
I’ve been lax, but that’s mostly because I was traveling through LAX. Now that I’m ex-LAX, expect a daily posting schedule here for Fallon jokes to resume.
Now Jimmy, let’s not forget that as you near the 100 show mark, I’ve penned you several hundred monologue jokes. At any point, you may feel free to a) call, and then b) hire me. Email works too, of course.
- The NFL has given Michael Vick permission to play football professionally again. Which is great news, since so many in the media thought that his career had gone to the dogs. Literally.
- Jon Gosselin, of Jon and Kate Plus 8, continues to deny reports linking him with various women. Those same women, meanwhile, continue to deny reports that they have good taste in men.
- Lance Armstrong finished third in the Tour de France over the weekend, in a race that he hopes will finally show doubters that he isn’t a doper. Because remember kids, cheaters finish FIRST.
- One of the Jonas Brothers has broken up with his actress-girlfriend. But if you have any idea who I’m talking about, you’re up way past your bedtime right now.
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Tags: Jon and Kate Plus 8, Jonas Brothers, Lance Armstrong, Michael Vick, NFL, Tour de France