Posted by Lex Friedman on May 21, 2009
If Jimmy did shows every week, seven days each week, this would be his seventh consecutive week of doing just that. This meaningless statistic brought to you by HireMeJimmyFallon.com. Now, on with the jokes!
- Dick Cheney and President Barack Obama gave dueling speeches on foreign policy today. It worked out well, because there was not a single person in America who wanted tickets to both shows. That’s like Miley Cyrus having a concert at the same time as Metallica. Or Michael Jackson being busy during a convention for post-pubescent boys. No one’s missing anything.
- Filmmaker Michael Moore is making a documentary about the economic crisis. He’s very upset that foods on the $1 menu now cost $2. Yeah, his whole diet is messed up.
- Did you watch the American Idol season finale last night? Yeah, that was a big shocker at the end, right? Paula Abdul spoke in a coherent sentence. Let’s try again. Big shocker at the end, right? Randy Jackson spoke twice withOUT saying the word “dawg.”
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Tags: American Idol, Barack Obama, Dick Cheney, fast food, Metallica, Michael Jackson, Michael Moore, Miley Cyrus, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson
Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 8, 2009
I’m almost adjusted to Mountain Time. Let’s rock this:
- The Obama administration is reportedly investigating “geoengineering,” the idea of fighting global warming by blowing cold air into the atmosphere. If they go ahead with the plan, it will mark the first time in more than 50 years that the White House has blown anything but hot air.
- Miley Cyrus wrote on her personal blog that she’s “a lot smarter than you think.” So apparently, she’s only very, very, very stupid. Nah, I’m just kidding — I LOVE Miley Cyrus. I mean, I will, in two years, when she’s legal.
- Visits to Las Vegas were down 8% in February. Damn! I had my money on 12%.
- The Jewish holiday of Passover starts tonight. It’s when the Jews eat unleavened bread, called matzah, and sit together for a long time because they’re what’s called “constipated.”
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Tags: Barack Obama, constipation, economy, gambling, global warming, Judaism, Las Vegas, matzah, Miley Cyrus, Passover, White House