Posted by Lex Friedman on May 8, 2009
Lordy, Lordy, Jimmy’s reached 40… shows. And yet, he still hasn’t hired me. His success is great, though I guess he could make a compelling argument that given how well he’s doing, he might not need me. But he could still WANT me. Right? Right?!!
- One of the nations top virologists expressed fears today about the possibility of bird flu mixing with swine flu in extremely deadly ways. Miss Piggy is reportedly very nervous after her secret affair with Big Bird. Who, by the way, I hear really lives up to his name. (I think I just made a sex joke about a Sesame Street icon. I feel dirty.)
- A study released today concluded that America’s obesity problem stems from the fact that we eat too much. And our education problem stems from the fact that we spend too much money on studying EXTREMELY OBVIOUS THINGS.
- The Statue of Liberty’s crown will re-open on July 4th, for the first time in eight years. Yeah… Lady Liberty had a really bad lice infestation.
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Tags: Big Bird, bird flu, lice, Miss Piggy, obesity, science, Sesame Street, Statue of Liberty, studies, swine flu
Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 28, 2009
The radio appearance didn’t happen. Sorry to those who tuned in and were subjected to more country music than they care to hear. (That is, “any.”) I was rescheduled; I’ll let you know when I hear the new date is.
Jimmy’s off this week, but it’s still my job to write jokes in hopes of getting a job to write jokes. If that makes sense.
- After some major changes at GM, you can no longer buy a Pontiac. Of course, with this recession, you couldn’t buy one last week, either.
- In health news, Kermit the Frog has been hospitalized with flu-like symptoms. Think about it… Think about it… There ya go.
- But man, this swine flu is still pretty scary, huh? The good news, of course, is for doctors. Physicians treating swine flu patients can really expect to bring home the bacon.
- Senator Arlen Specter today announced that he’s switching parties, and will now be a Democrat. He also now wants to be called “Arlene.” Some big changes in that man’s life. I mean, that person’s life.
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Tags: Arlen Specter, bacon, cars, GM, Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Pontiac, swine flu