Posted by Lex Friedman on Sep 1, 2009
Before the jokes, a big, important announcement: I am now the official host and editor at
JimmyFallon.com. I built the new site and will be providing all its content going forward — including jokes from here at Hire Me, Jimmy Fallon! So, head over to the unofficial fansite
JimmyFallon.com, if you wouldn’t mind. Oh, and here are today’s jokes — the real reason you came here today:
- Publishers are working on a new translation of the Bible that will use more modern language. The most prominent change is the new passage “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, LOL.”
- American Airlines announced that it’s firing 921 flight attendants. Seriously? 921? My guess is that they planned fire 920, and when the VP was flying back to corporate with the paperwork, no one gave him his honey roasted peanuts. Bam! 921!
- Lindsay Lohan is reportedly considering posing for Playboy. Teenage boys all across America are reportedly considering masturbating.
1 Comment
Tags: American Airlines, Bible, layoffs, Lindsay Lohan, LOL, peanuts, Playboy
Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 16, 2009
- New Jersey may ban professional Brazilian waxes. Because if there’s anything you want done by an amateur, it’s the application of hot wax to remove hair from your vagina, right ladies?
- Chevy Chase will return to prime-time television, with a supporting role in a fall pilot for NBC. In future news, that show has been cancelled. Actually as of… NOW, I’ve had this show longer than Chevy Chase had his late night talk show. So congratulations, everyone!
- New research says that some children may be freed of their peanut allergies if they eat a tiny crumb of peanut every day for weeks. And.. the rest of them will die. So… Yay?
- A judge has withdrawn a warrant that had been out for Lindsay Lohan, after realizing that in fact, no, Lindsay Lohan can’t even get arrested in this town anymore.
- President Barack Obama will appear on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno this week. And it’s gonna be a solid evening for late night on NBC that day, because I have Carrot Top and Roseanne. Yeah, you’re not going to want to miss that. But seriously, Tonight Show producers are reportedly trying really hard to book Pinnochio as well. That way, they can have the biggest nose, chin, and ears in world history, all in one place.
No Comments
Tags: Barack Obama, Chevy Chase, Jay Leno, jokes, kids, Lindsay Lohan, New Jersey, peanuts, Pinnochio