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Jokes for Show #36

Posted by Lex Friedman on May 4, 2009

Jimmy’s back, and I am too!

Here are some jokes for tonight’s show:

Barack Obama now passed his first 100 days in office. Or, as former president George W. Bush calls it, “about a year or two.”
Scientists now say that swine flu isn’t as bad as scary as they initially thought. Relieved, two of the The Three Little pigs have now stepped out of their homes, and were promptly eaten by The Big Bad Wolf. Eesh.
I guess there are things more dangerous than swine flu. The late two little pigs are survived, as always, by the delicious smell of bacon.
The Supreme Court issued a ruling saying that a court that previously ruled CBS should not half to pay a half-million dollar fine for Janet Jackson’s Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction, should reconsider that decision. In its ruling, the Supreme Court said: “CBS should have gotten her to take off that weird nipple ring, because it blocked the view.” I’m guessing Clarence Thomas wrote that.

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Jokes for Vacation Day #9

Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 30, 2009

Jimmy’s still off. But I’m still ON! But I’m taking it easy…

There are now more than 100 reported cases of swine flu in the United States. Man, a virus jumping from pigs to humans… It just doesn’t seem Kosher.
Vice President Joe Biden today said that he’d tell his family members to avoid airplanes and subways for the next few weeks. The White House later released a statement, saying that in fact, they’ve now injected Joe Biden with swine flu. Wow. Barack Obama sounds like a tough boss.
Elizabeth Edwards writes in her new book that her husband John Edwards first told her about his affair, she ran to the bathroom and threw up. But that was because she thought he’d had the affair with Senator John Kerry. That’s an honest mistake.

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Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 29, 2009

Jimmy’s still off, so I’m offering limited jokes today:

President Obama plans to address the nation tonight, but the Fox network won’t carry his speech. Instead, they’re planning to show a new episode of the show “Lie to Me.” Which I believe will be a re-run of one of former President George W. Bush’s speeches, actually.
Tonight, ABC’s Lost will show its 100th episode. And for the 100th time, at the end of that episode, everyone in the audience will say, “Huh?”
And of course, swine flu is still on everyone’s mind. It turns out that this little piggy, the one that cried “wee wee wee” all the way home — was sick with swine flu. That explains the screaming.