Hire Me, Jimmy Fallon! » Rihanna

Jokes for Show #101

Lex Friedman — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 01:47:30 +0000

It’s show number 101 for Jimmy tonight, which is even more impressive than 100. Because I said so.

Hire Me, Jimmy Fallon! will have a major announcement, potentially as early as tomorrow. No, I haven’t been hired by Jimmy Fallon yet, but the news is still interesting. You might also have heard of my other site, The Snuggie Sutra, which has taken the web by storm (and even scored a shout-out on The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien last Friday night).

But you don’t care about that. You’re here for the joke suggestions. Here they are!

Researchers at MIT have created a school of robotic fish. And none of the fish in that school would ever be bored enough to make robotic humans.
Chris Brown says he doesn’t remember hitting Rihanna, saying he must have blacked out. Like Rihanna’s eyes.
Much of Los Angeles continues to be threatened by a massive fire. Or, as the Californians are calling it, a massive downsize.

Jokes for Show #20

Lex Friedman — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 21:45:31 +0000

The FAA wants to keep information about birds that crash into airplanes a secret from the public. And from birds.
Singer Rihanna has gotten several new tattoos of guns. In a related story, Chris Brown got a tattoo of his own fists.
Dane Cook’s half-brother is in jail, accused of stealing millions of dollars from the comedian. So THAT’S where the money for his comedy lessons went!

Jokes for Show #13

Lex Friedman — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 21:06:37 +0000

A new study concludes that men who prostate exams don’t actually prevent any deaths. But they’re still a great conversation starter. Like, hey, mind if I check out your prostate?
Chris Brown and Rihanna have reportedly broken up. Rihanna’s taking it pretty hard — she’s telling friends, it really feels like a punch in the face. I’m sorry, that’s terrible. But she really is feeling blue. Black and blue, I mean.
President Obama released his brackets for March Madness. And you know the economy’s bad, because the President is picking San Antonio to win by negative 300 trillion points. That can’t be good.
The unwed birth rate in the United States reached an all-time high last year, according to a new study. In a related story: Pretty much everybody but you is having sex. (Lots of it. And they’re making lots of babies!)