Jokes for Show #18

My latest batch of monologue jokes. Jimmy — call me!

• Breaking news: The economy still sucks. The Metropolitan Transportation Agency has decided to raise subway fares, and cut some service here in New York. Yeah, as part of the cutbacks, they’re going to stop piping in that delicious “old urine” smell, which is a real shame.
• HBO is prepping a movie about Bill and Hillary Clinton. Julianne Moore’s playing Hillary, and for Bill Clinton, they wanted to find the perfect man for the role, so they cast Ron Jeremy. The resemblance is striking.
• A British teenager painted a giant penis on the roof of his parents’ house, hoping it would be seen using Google Earth. But the teenager was, in fact, an even bigger dick.
• President Obama is taking questions from Internet surfers on WhiteHouse.gov. So far, the top questions are: “A/S/L?” and “Will you follow me on Twitter?”
• The Post Office today warned congress that they’re billions of dollars in debt, and could go completely bankrupt this year, or need to layoff thousands of postal workers. Yeah, because that’s just what we need: Thousands of disgruntled postal employees. What could possibly go wrong?

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Tags: Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, economy, Hillary Clinton, Internet, layoffs, New York, Postal Service, Ron Jeremy, subway, Twitter