Posted by Lex Friedman on Jul 14, 2009
- Convicted Ponzi scheme mastermind Bernie Madoff started his 150-year sentence today. He’ll be free when he’s just 221 years old. At which point he’ll probably do an interview with Joan Rivers.
- Sarah Palin has been hinting that she’d like to form her own political party, separate from Republicans. Here’s hoping it’s a Swingers Party! Am I right? I’m right.
- Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor had her second day of Senate confirmation hearings today. If she’s able to provide ten consecutive correct answers, she’ll win both showcases.
- A Southwest Airlines plane landed safely after a football-sized hole ripped open during flight. The plane’s been certified safe for the skies again, and now boasts one extra window seat.
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Tags: airplanes, Bernie Madoff, Ponzi scheme, Sarah Palin, Sonia Sotomayor, Southwest Airlines, Supreme Court
Posted by Lex Friedman on Jul 13, 2009
Jimmy’s back, and I’m (temporarily) homeless! Time for some new joke ideas! Now, Mr. Fallon, please remember: The point of all this is for you to recognize that I am a) unspeakably hilarious and b) entirely charming, so that you can c) hire me before I d) lose my mind. Call me!
- Sonia Sotomayor faced the Senate today on the first day of confirmation hearings for her Supreme Court appointment. And so far she’s doing well — she hasn’t had to use any of her lifelines yet. Good to keep “Phone a Friend” in the bag as long as possible.
- As you know, last week, Sarah Palin announced her resignation as governor of Alaska. This was especially troubling for us here at Late Night, since in light of Sarah Palin stepping down, half of our comedy writers have quit too. It’s too much golden material, gone.
- A new study has found that swearing when you get hurt can actually make you feel less pain. Which means, technically, that a “pain in the ass” is actually no pain at all.
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Tags: Sarah Palin, Sonia Sotomayor, swearing
Posted by Lex Friedman on Jul 7, 2009
Jimmy’s still off this week, so no jokes about Sarah Palin resigning (I’m resigning too — resigning myself to hearing more than I ever need to about Sarah Palin), MJ’s funeral (anyone else afraid Janet would have another wardrobe malfunction?), and the like.
See you next week!
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Tags: Janet Jackson, Jimmy Fallon, Michael Jackson, Sarah Palin
Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 9, 2009
Some joke suggestions for tonight’s show:
- Nickelodeon won’t withdraw Chris Brown’s name from contention as “Favorite Male Singer” in the Kids Choice Awards, in spite of his recent legal issues. According to Nickelodeon, they won’t withdraw Chris’s name, because he can beat anyone.
- Federal charges were filed today against the college student who hacked into the email account of former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. The student is expected to plead “not guilty, by virtue of being a Nigerian prince.”
- It was announced today that Ashlee Simpson will star on the CW’s remake of Melrose Place. But Tori Spelling will read the lines for her from off-camera.
- Dakota Fanning signed on to play the lead vampire in the upcoming sequel to the movie Twilight. Dakota Fanning in a vampire movie? That setup is ripe for jokes. I can’t wait to sink my teeth into that one.
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Tags: Ashlee Simpson, Chris Brown, Dakota Fanning, Melrose Place, Nickelodeon, Sarah Palin, Tori Spelling, Twilight
Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 5, 2009
- Terrell Owens was cut by the Dallas Cowboys today. Apparently, they couldn’t find a helmet that fit him.
- A report out today suggests that Sarah Palin’s sex appeal may have hurt John McCain. I’m not sure which PART of him got hurt though. No, but seriously, if massive sex appeal can be a negative, then (flirtatiously) I’m a little worried about my ratings on this show.
- Ten insurance workers in New Jersey will share a $216 million lottery jackpot. At the end of the day, though, they’ve still spent years living as insurance workers in New Jersey, so this story has no winners.
- In London today, Michael Jackson announced his farewell 10-concert series. The King of Pop is now 50-years-old, but you’re only as young as the children you feel. (Or: The King of Pop is now 50-years-old, but he still has the heart of a young boy. And a young boy.)
- A new version of the popular video game Rock Band devoted to the music of The Beatles was announced today. As a bonus feature, if you play any of the songs backwards, Paul McCartney dies.
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Tags: Dallas Cowboys, John McCain, lottery, Michael Jackson, New Jersey, NFL, Rock Band, Sarah Palin, Terrell Owens, The Beatles, video games