Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 24, 2009
More jokes for Jimmy’s monologue. Jimmy, you can always email me at my first initial (“L”) at lexfriedman.com, if you and your team decide you’d like to hire me.
- Did you see this story? It’s unbelievable: An eighth-grader in Florida was suspended from the school bus for — this is true — passing especially rancid flatulence. It gives a whole new meaning to the term “gas crisis.” Asked about his suspension, the student said: “Man, this stinks.” But we don’t know what he was referring to.
- New York Senator Charles Schumer has changed his mind, and now supports gay marriage. In a related story, Senator Charles Schumer and his longtime roommate Bob are taking an extended vacation in Vermont.
- A woman in California used a fake ID and a fake check to get breast implants. Investigators say that they can’t wait to get their hands on this case.
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Tags: California, Charles Schumer, fake breasts, flatulence, Florida, gas, gay marriage, school, Vermont
Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 19, 2009
I’m late with these today. If Jimmy hired me, I could focus on writing him jokes as my full-time job!
- A picture was released today of Charles Manson, who’s now clearing showing signs of his age — 74-years-old. Even the swastika carved in his forehead is going gray. That’s old.
- Two firetrucks in Philadelphia crashed into each other today — and no one showed up to help them. Six dalmatians were injured.
- A new study finds that drinking with your friends is actually good for you. Luckily, so is drunk dialing your ex and puking into your toilet.
- Teachers and a principal in Dallas have been accused — this is true — of having high school students settle their grievances with cage matches. The school defended the practice, saying it was part of the 3 R’s: Reading, Writing, and Really kicking the crap out of your classmates. Several of the students at the school are now reportedly courting Rihanna.
- Former President Bush is planning a book about the 11 toughest decisions he’s had to make in his life. Number #4 on the list is apparently “Choosing to make this book a coloring book.” It has a drawing of a monkey to color in, I think.
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Tags: Charles Manson, Dallas, drinking, George W. Bush, jokes, Philadelphia, school, students