Jokes for Show #40

Lordy, Lordy, Jimmy’s reached 40… shows. And yet, he still hasn’t hired me. His success is great, though I guess he could make a compelling argument that given how well he’s doing, he might not need me. But he could still WANT me. Right? Right?!!

• One of the nations top virologists expressed fears today about the possibility of bird flu mixing with swine flu in extremely deadly ways. Miss Piggy is reportedly very nervous after her secret affair with Big Bird. Who, by the way, I hear really lives up to his name. (I think I just made a sex joke about a Sesame Street icon. I feel dirty.)
• A study released today concluded that America’s obesity problem stems from the fact that we eat too much. And our education problem stems from the fact that we spend too much money on studying EXTREMELY OBVIOUS THINGS.
• The Statue of Liberty’s crown will re-open on July 4th, for the first time in eight years. Yeah… Lady Liberty had a really bad lice infestation.

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Tags: Big Bird, bird flu, lice, Miss Piggy, obesity, science, Sesame Street, Statue of Liberty, studies, swine flu

Jokes for Show #8

• The producers of “Sesame Street” are cutting 20 percent of its work force because of the recession. The severance package for fired employees includes two weeks’ pay, and a free toy: Bend Over And Take It Elmo.
• Forbes reported today that the world’s billionaires are feeling the impact of the recession just like the rest of us. Apparently, they’re now buying generic yachts.
• Two teachers in Pennsylvania have been accused of having sex with the same thirteen-year-old boy. BY the boy.
• Apple today released a new iPod shuffle, and the button-less device actually talks to you. Which is good, because if you buy such a pretentious iPod, no one else will.

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Tags: Apple, billionaires, economy, Forbes, iPod, recession, Sesame Street, sex, teachers, yachts