Posted by Lex Friedman on Jul 14, 2009
- Convicted Ponzi scheme mastermind Bernie Madoff started his 150-year sentence today. He’ll be free when he’s just 221 years old. At which point he’ll probably do an interview with Joan Rivers.
- Sarah Palin has been hinting that she’d like to form her own political party, separate from Republicans. Here’s hoping it’s a Swingers Party! Am I right? I’m right.
- Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor had her second day of Senate confirmation hearings today. If she’s able to provide ten consecutive correct answers, she’ll win both showcases.
- A Southwest Airlines plane landed safely after a football-sized hole ripped open during flight. The plane’s been certified safe for the skies again, and now boasts one extra window seat.
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Tags: airplanes, Bernie Madoff, Ponzi scheme, Sarah Palin, Sonia Sotomayor, Southwest Airlines, Supreme Court
Posted by Lex Friedman on Jul 13, 2009
Jimmy’s back, and I’m (temporarily) homeless! Time for some new joke ideas! Now, Mr. Fallon, please remember: The point of all this is for you to recognize that I am a) unspeakably hilarious and b) entirely charming, so that you can c) hire me before I d) lose my mind. Call me!
- Sonia Sotomayor faced the Senate today on the first day of confirmation hearings for her Supreme Court appointment. And so far she’s doing well — she hasn’t had to use any of her lifelines yet. Good to keep “Phone a Friend” in the bag as long as possible.
- As you know, last week, Sarah Palin announced her resignation as governor of Alaska. This was especially troubling for us here at Late Night, since in light of Sarah Palin stepping down, half of our comedy writers have quit too. It’s too much golden material, gone.
- A new study has found that swearing when you get hurt can actually make you feel less pain. Which means, technically, that a “pain in the ass” is actually no pain at all.
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Tags: Sarah Palin, Sonia Sotomayor, swearing
Posted by Lex Friedman on Jun 8, 2009
- Judge Sotomayor, President Obama’s nominee for the Supreme Court, broke her ankle this morning. Doctor’s are urging her to get a second opinion. And a third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth.
- You know how Judge Sotomayor hurt her ankle? She slipped on appeal.
- If you at home are saying that you object to that joke — well, sustained.
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Tags: ankle, Sonia Sotomayor, Supreme Court
Posted by Lex Friedman on May 26, 2009
- OJ Simpson is appealing his conviction on armed robbery charges. OJ’s claiming that he shouldn’t be found guilty for a simple robbery, given that he’s already gotten away with murder.
- President Obama today nominated Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court. If she’s confirmed, Sotomayor will be the highest ranking Hispanic woman EVER to get hit on by Clarence Thomas.
- A study out this week has found that racism is linked to weight gain. Finally, we know why they love to hang out all day in those loose-fitting white robes.
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Tags: Barack Obama, Clarence Thomas, Ku Klux Klan, OJ Simpson, racism, Sonia Sotomayor, Supreme Court