Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 17, 2009
Holy moly. 30 actual shows, and 30 days of jokes from me. Actually, this is my 35th day of writing jokes for Jimmy, since I wrote for five vacation days as well.
Jimmy — see the URL. The aim here is for you to, y’know, hire me.
With only the slightest further ado, here are joke suggestions for tonight’s show:
- Ashton Kutcher beat CNN to be the first Twitter account with one million followers. But still… neither of them has as many friends as Tom! Remember Tom? From MySpace? Yeah, me neither.
- A 47-year-old Ohio teacher has resigned after admitting that she took several teenage female students to a male strip club. Which, you gotta admit, took some balls.
- Bill Murray was participating in a celebrity golf tournament, and hooked a shot so badly that he beaned a woman standing in her own front yard, right in the head. It’s the biggest hit Bill Murray’s had in years. (No, I’m kidding, I love Bill Murray!)
- Authorities yesterday arrested a woman dressed in camouflage walking around Britney Spears’ house in LA. Yeah, then they realized it was Britney Spears.
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Tags: Ashton Kutcher, Bill Murray, Britney Spears, camouflage, CNN, male strippers, MySpace, Ohio, students, teachers, Tom, Twitter
Posted by Lex Friedman on Mar 19, 2009
I’m late with these today. If Jimmy hired me, I could focus on writing him jokes as my full-time job!
- A picture was released today of Charles Manson, who’s now clearing showing signs of his age — 74-years-old. Even the swastika carved in his forehead is going gray. That’s old.
- Two firetrucks in Philadelphia crashed into each other today — and no one showed up to help them. Six dalmatians were injured.
- A new study finds that drinking with your friends is actually good for you. Luckily, so is drunk dialing your ex and puking into your toilet.
- Teachers and a principal in Dallas have been accused — this is true — of having high school students settle their grievances with cage matches. The school defended the practice, saying it was part of the 3 R’s: Reading, Writing, and Really kicking the crap out of your classmates. Several of the students at the school are now reportedly courting Rihanna.
- Former President Bush is planning a book about the 11 toughest decisions he’s had to make in his life. Number #4 on the list is apparently “Choosing to make this book a coloring book.” It has a drawing of a monkey to color in, I think.
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Tags: Charles Manson, Dallas, drinking, George W. Bush, jokes, Philadelphia, school, students