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Jokes for Show #77

Posted by Lex Friedman on Jul 14, 2009

Convicted Ponzi scheme mastermind Bernie Madoff started his 150-year sentence today. He’ll be free when he’s just 221 years old. At which point he’ll probably do an interview with Joan Rivers.
Sarah Palin has been hinting that she’d like to form her own political party, separate from Republicans. Here’s hoping it’s a Swingers Party! Am I right? I’m right.
Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor had her second day of Senate confirmation hearings today. If she’s able to provide ten consecutive correct answers, she’ll win both showcases.
A Southwest Airlines plane landed safely after a football-sized hole ripped open during flight. The plane’s been certified safe for the skies again, and now boasts one extra window seat.

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Jokes for Show #61

Posted by Lex Friedman on Jun 8, 2009

Judge Sotomayor, President Obama’s nominee for the Supreme Court, broke her ankle this morning. Doctor’s are urging her to get a second opinion. And a third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth.
You know how Judge Sotomayor hurt her ankle? She slipped on appeal.
If you at home are saying that you object to that joke — well, sustained.

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Posted by Lex Friedman on May 26, 2009

OJ Simpson is appealing his conviction on armed robbery charges. OJ’s claiming that he shouldn’t be found guilty for a simple robbery, given that he’s already gotten away with murder.
President Obama today nominated Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court. If she’s confirmed, Sotomayor will be the highest ranking Hispanic woman EVER to get hit on by Clarence Thomas.
A study out this week has found that racism is linked to weight gain. Finally, we know why they love to hang out all day in those loose-fitting white robes.

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Posted by Lex Friedman on May 4, 2009

Jimmy’s back, and I am too!

Here are some jokes for tonight’s show:

Barack Obama now passed his first 100 days in office. Or, as former president George W. Bush calls it, “about a year or two.”
Scientists now say that swine flu isn’t as bad as scary as they initially thought. Relieved, two of the The Three Little pigs have now stepped out of their homes, and were promptly eaten by The Big Bad Wolf. Eesh.
I guess there are things more dangerous than swine flu. The late two little pigs are survived, as always, by the delicious smell of bacon.
The Supreme Court issued a ruling saying that a court that previously ruled CBS should not half to pay a half-million dollar fine for Janet Jackson’s Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction, should reconsider that decision. In its ruling, the Supreme Court said: “CBS should have gotten her to take off that weird nipple ring, because it blocked the view.” I’m guessing Clarence Thomas wrote that.