Jokes for Show #30

Holy moly. 30 actual shows, and 30 days of jokes from me. Actually, this is my 35th day of writing jokes for Jimmy, since I wrote for five vacation days as well.

Jimmy — see the URL. The aim here is for you to, y’know, hire me.

With only the slightest further ado, here are joke suggestions for tonight’s show:

• Ashton Kutcher beat CNN to be the first Twitter account with one million followers. But still… neither of them has as many friends as Tom! Remember Tom? From MySpace? Yeah, me neither.
• A 47-year-old Ohio teacher has resigned after admitting that she took several teenage female students to a male strip club. Which, you gotta admit, took some balls.
• Bill Murray was participating in a celebrity golf tournament, and hooked a shot so badly that he beaned a woman standing in her own front yard, right in the head. It’s the biggest hit Bill Murray’s had in years. (No, I’m kidding, I love Bill Murray!)
• Authorities yesterday arrested a woman dressed in camouflage walking around Britney Spears’ house in LA. Yeah, then they realized it was Britney Spears.

2 Comments

Tags: Ashton Kutcher, Bill Murray, Britney Spears, camouflage, CNN, male strippers, MySpace, Ohio, students, teachers, Tom, Twitter

Jokes for Show #8

• The producers of “Sesame Street” are cutting 20 percent of its work force because of the recession. The severance package for fired employees includes two weeks’ pay, and a free toy: Bend Over And Take It Elmo.
• Forbes reported today that the world’s billionaires are feeling the impact of the recession just like the rest of us. Apparently, they’re now buying generic yachts.
• Two teachers in Pennsylvania have been accused of having sex with the same thirteen-year-old boy. BY the boy.
• Apple today released a new iPod shuffle, and the button-less device actually talks to you. Which is good, because if you buy such a pretentious iPod, no one else will.

2 Comments

Tags: Apple, billionaires, economy, Forbes, iPod, recession, Sesame Street, sex, teachers, yachts