Jokes for Vacation Day #8

Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 29, 2009

Jimmy’s still off, so I’m offering limited jokes today:

President Obama plans to address the nation tonight, but the Fox network won’t carry his speech. Instead, they’re planning to show a new episode of the show “Lie to Me.” Which I believe will be a re-run of one of former President George W. Bush’s speeches, actually.
Tonight, ABC’s Lost will show its 100th episode. And for the 100th time, at the end of that episode, everyone in the audience will say, “Huh?”
And of course, swine flu is still on everyone’s mind. It turns out that this little piggy, the one that cried “wee wee wee” all the way home — was sick with swine flu. That explains the screaming.

Jokes for Show #32

Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 21, 2009

A new study out in the American Journal of Sports Medicine finds that break dancers are at frequent risk of serious injury. Mostly, when they’re traveling back through time to the 80s, when break dancing was still relevant.
Circue de Soleil today apologized to celebrity blogger Perez Hilton, over remarks Criss Angel shouted to him during a Cirque performance. If any of that story makes sense to you, you’re probably gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. But there’s gotta be something wrong with Criss Angel.
The accused pirate captured in that daring rescue last week had his first court date today. He pleaded “not guilty,” by reason of “arrrrrrrrr, matey.” (I’m not sure that’s legal.)
A judge has refused to let disgraced former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich go to Costa Rica to star in a reality show. Yeah, he wouldn’t let him go. Instead, Blagojevich has been sentenced to watching hours of reality shows, as punishment for his crimes.

Posted by Lex Friedman on Apr 1, 2009

UC San Diego accidentally sent out emails welcoming 29,000 high school seniors — whose applications the university had, in fact, rejected. As an act of good will, the Dean of Admissions told affected high schoolers that now they COULD attend the school. He added, “NOT!”
CBS has cancelled long-running soap opera “Guiding Light” after 72 years and 16,000 episodes. I KNEW they’d never last!
President Obama gave the Queen of England an iPod during his visit with her today. I wonder what songs are on it, though. I’m guessing, “Dancing Queen.” That’d be fitting.
ER will air its final episode on NBC tomorrow. Which is ironic, since now the entire network needs life support.
And, of course, it’s April Fool’s Day, a day when we laugh at the easily fooled, gullible people around us. Or, as former President Bush calls it, Wednesday.