Jokes for Jimmy: Dec 19th Edition

It’s a snowy Saturday on the East Coast. And I haven’t written Jimmy jokes in more than a month. After I passed the 100-show mark and still hadn’t heard anything from Jimmy or his people, I got a bit discouraged.

But by impressively and inspirationally popular request, here are a few Tiger jokes for Jimmy:

• Tiger Woods’s wife Elin may be filing for divorce. I think the real question is, though, will Tiger ever find love again?
• The list of potential mistresses Tiger may have cheated with has now reached 14. Which is 12 over par.
• Tiger has lost numerous endorsement contracts in light of this story, of course. And we could make a joke here that he’s signed a new endorsement deal with Trojan, or Viagra. But we’re not going to stoop that low here at LNwJF. Because the truth is, Tiger is now the official spokesman for Married Idiots Everywhere.
• Tiger, it should be pointed out, cheated on his wife with many more women than Lance Armstrong ever cheated on his first wife with. Of course, like Tiger on the golf course, Lance has been playing with a pretty serious handicap.

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Tags: Lance Armstrong, snow, Tiger Woods

Jokes for Show #80

First, because I can’t help myself, a joke Jimmy can’t make:

“A second person died today from injuries related to the collapse of that stage in preparation for a Madonna concert. Madonna told reporters that everyone involved with the show is truly crushed.”

Sorry.

And now, a joke Jimmy theoretically could use:

Tiger Woods, for only the second time in his career, missed the cut in a major golf event, at today’s British Open. Tiger was confused, because he was especially proud of having achieved his all-time high score.

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Tags: Madonna, Tiger Woods